This old man is hilarious when he attempts to go up an escalator. Thanks, Jammie, for posting this image on your Facebook.

Check out this old lady firing a machine gun and threatening to shoot her target in the toodles!

(An elderly woman well into her 70s comes through the check-out line with a single bottle of wine. I start to scan the bottle through.)

Customer: “Wait! Aren’t you going to check my ID?”

Me: “Er, no, ma’am, I don’t think it’s really necessary…”

Customer: “Well, that’s no good! You should check all ID if you’re selling alcohol.”

Me: “Well, okay. May I see your ID, please?”

(She hands over an ID card that is obviously fake.)

Me: “…ma’am, this card says you’re seventeen.”

Customer: “Oh, dear! You’ve caught me! I’m much too young to be buying this! It’s a good thing you were checking IDs. I’d better just go now! *skips out the door*

Me: “…”

We found this transcript on notalwaysright.com. It makes me anxious to be elderly so I can start messing with clerks like this.

The LiveJournal community called Oh No They Didn’t did a nice writeup today on the cast of the classic movie, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Included was this animated GIF of the funniest old lady from the 80’s.

I always loved how she could barely see over the dashboard.

ROYAL PALM BEACH — A 73-year-old man attacked an 81-year-old man with a pricing gun Sunday inside the Belvedere Road Wal-Mart, according to an arrest report.

Dennis O’Brien and John Esposito began arguing, and O’Brien swung at Esposito with the tool in his right hand, the report says. Esposito sustained a swollen left eye and cuts on his nose and mouth.

Esposito said he and O’Brien work at the Wal-Mart. He would not discuss the nature of their argument. Wal-Mart officials also would not comment.

O’Brien told a sheriff’s deputy he acted in self-defense, but security tape showed O’Brien raising his hand first, striking Esposito in the face and then pushing him to the ground, according to the report.

Officials booked O’Brien into the Palm Beach County Jail on aggravated battery charges. He was released Monday on $3,000 bond.

Florida cops last Saturday administered a solid tasering to a 65-year-old man who decided to go for a naked wander through a Sarasota neighbourhood.

According to Tampa Bay Online, Duncan Kirk (right), of Bradenton, was spotted in his birthday suit about 7.30pm making his way through locals’ back gardens. When deputies duly arrived, he was found “sitting inside a home’s screened-in patio”, as Sgt Darin Bankert later explained.

The old timer then decided to make a run for it, but was quickly apprehended. He resisted officers’ attempts to cuff him, even when hit with a dose of gel-based pepper spray, so cops tasered him twice.

Kirk was charged with “prowling and resisting arrest with violence”, and released on Sunday from Manatee County Jail after coughing $1,200 bail.

An 80-year-old woman went down swinging when a police officer tried to arrest her.

A Tavares police officer pulled the woman over at the intersection of U.S. Highway 441 and Huffstetler Drive for an improper lane change.

Authorities said Thalia Logas refused to sign a ticket and punched the officer in the stomach and chest several times when he tried to place her under arrest.

The officer called for back up and a Lake County Sheriff’s deputy arrived.

The two officers said they finally got the handcuffs on her, and she managed to wiggle out of them and threw them out the window of the police car.

“Obviously we want to make sure we handle somebody of that age with care,” Jody Maltzman of the Tavares Police Department said.

“If it was my mom, I’d be wanting to have it out with that policeman,” Tavares resident Ralph Smith said.

Logas was out of jail on bond Friday morning.

An 88-year-old man is set to star in his first ballet show after taking up dance at the age of 79. Grandfather to 11, John Lowe, of Witchford, Cambs, took up dancing having watched his daughter Alison become a professional dancer.

The retired teacher said: “It’s a wonderful thing to do and I can’t understand why more men don’t do it.” Mr Lowe is due to appear with the Lantern Dance Theatre Company, in Ely, on Sunday evening.

Read the full story, with video, at this URL:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/cambridgeshire/7185908.stm

Thanks, MIB from the PLA Forums, for finding this one!

A Concord, New Hampshire man’s phone keeps ringing at random hours with people looking for Brad Pitt. But 77-year-old Richard Perkins doesn’t know the movie star and has only seen one film with the 43-year-old actor.

Someone posted the retired teachers’ home phone number in a Web site chat room and claimed it was contact information for Pitt. For the last six days, Perkins’ phone keeps ringing at times as late as 2 a-m.

“I thought it was my daughter calling me,” Perkins told the Concord Monitor. “I thought she was saying ‘Dad? Dad? Dad?’ and I thought there was something wrong with the line. Then I realized she was saying ‘Brad.’ ”

A frustrated Perkins disconnected his phone once, but firefighters – summoned by Perkins’s Life Alert system – burst into his home to find him sitting peacefully in the living room.

They “weren’t too pleased,” Perkins told the newspaper.

Perkins says he doesn’t want to change his phone number because he’s afraid he’ll forget his new one.

We decided to give Mr. Perkins a call and gauge his reaction to a typical call asking for Brad Pitt. Here’s what he had to say.

SOURCE: http://wbztv.com/topstories/local_story_116115014.html