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The dirty duo – believed to be a husband and wife aged around SEVENTY – offer to help clean up their victims before snatching their cash.

Albert and Doreen Croucher lost £4,000 as they left a bank after making a withdrawal at Eastbourne, East Sussex, last month.

Mr Croucher, 58, said: “I felt this blast from the buildings above us. The smell was instant and vile.

“Just then a lady came over with tissues and helped clean it off. It was only later that I realised she had fleeced me.”

The theft is the third in a few weeks in Sussex.

Other attacks in Brighton have netted £11,500.

A police spokeswoman said: “This is a such a shitty crime.”

Just kidding, the police spokeswoman actually said: “This is a totally repulsive crime.” But it would have been funnier the other way.

 

LISBON (AFP) – An elderly woman has walked away without a scratch after being run over by a train in Portugal.

Maria Delores Ramos, 77, slipped as she attempted to cross the railway near her home in the northern village of Barroselas, the daily Jornal de Noticias reported.

She could not get up on her own as she suffers from arthritis in her legs, so she sat in the middle of the track to wait for someone to pass by.

But when a train approached she decided to lay down after her frantic waving failed to get the attention of the conductor, Ramos told the newspaper

“I started to pray and ask God for forgiveness for my sins. But when I saw that the first carriage passed over me and didn’t touch me, I realized I was safe. And I survived,” she said.

The train stopped a little further ahead and the conductor got out of the train and helped Ramos, a mother of seven, to crawl out from under one of the carriages.

“Other people quickly arrived and raised me off the ground and held on to me but I told them I didn’t need need them to hold on to me, that I could stay up on my own,” she said. “I can brag that I survived being run over by a train.”